Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
