So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
