I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
