1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
