At least make sure they are 18
Why
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I intend to get homeless drunk
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
