dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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