chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
