11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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