maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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