I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just pee around me
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
