You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
