So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
