Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
