Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
