Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You've changed since you got that strap on
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
