Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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