Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
