Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
