For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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