Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
