Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
