ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
