She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
