Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
