ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
