Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
