He kissed a someone with a penis
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
