I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
