Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
