just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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