He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
