I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
