i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
