Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
