Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
