the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
