I just cut my nipple shaving
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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