Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
