high people should be assigned attendants
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
