Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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