New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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