well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
