Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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