I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
