Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
