If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
