I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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