I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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