apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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