The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
