I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
