we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
