I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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