WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
