Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
