theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
